oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
