I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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