Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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