You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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