like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
