Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
