he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
