hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
this is an emotional support booty call
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
