why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
