dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
