C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
from now on my penis is your penis
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
