so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
