take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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