an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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