I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
