He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
