Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My feet surprised me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
