Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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