it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
