would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
