I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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