you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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