I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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