Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
