So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
