I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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