Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There are leaves in my underwear?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
