you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
