Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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