I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
