Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
