How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
