I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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