dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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