but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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