I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
where are you?
Hypothermia
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
