i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
