I think scott just propositioned me for sex
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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