I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
