But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
