my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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