So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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