Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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