five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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