but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize