after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
