I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
