Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
