what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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