what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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