I'm lost and stupid without you.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize