Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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