guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
