Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Bring me that man meat
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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