Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We don't watch enough power rangers
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
