i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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