I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
