I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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