I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
