at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
