can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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