I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
