White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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