I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
