friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
