I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
